Mon.5.18.15...Prov.11:16-31...These are the Things You Don't Say to Your Wife /TREAT Your Wife with Love

A Kind Man Benefits Himself

Today's passage from Proverbs 11:16-31 reveals an upbeat theme of kindness. This is such an important people skill. By the way, when we are talking about people skills, we are talking about relationship skills or love. Those who get low marks in people skills rank low in love and it shows in their relationships. It's hard for them to make and keep good friends. They tend to be too self centered, not others oriented. And being others oriented is just another way of saying, "love." And think about it; the way God made us is to be others oriented. For example, in the physical realm, our eyes are designed to look outwardly upon others. It takes a mirror for me to focus on myself. Yet because of the fall, in the psychological realm, we are prone to be critical, envious or lustful of those we look upon. We also tend to focus inordinately upon ourselves. This is the opposite of love. In love, Jesus came to serve and rescue us. Listen to his own words, "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many" Mark 10:45. Thank You Lord Jesus for loving us. Help us to do the same. 

Yes, if we are truly grateful for Christ's rescuing and serving love, we will want to do the same. But what does love look like? How could we break it down into crucial qualities? The great love chapter, 1 Cor.13, does that. Look at just the first two Christlike qualities- "Love is patient; love is kind." Love is patient; it puts up with the faults and foibles of others. Love is kind. It's been said, "If you're not the kind, kind, you're the wrong kind." Kindness is a great people skill and we see it emphasized in our portion of Proverbs today- 
A kindhearted woman gains respect. 11:16
A kind man benefits himself. 11:17

A kind man benefits himself. Really? Yes, really. As if some men might need more convincing, v.25 says, "he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed." Could this be true even in our marriages? Yes, indeed! Paul wrote, "he who loves his wife, loves himself." Eph.5:28. That might surprise many people that the Bible at times seeks to motivate us to lovingly obey for our own good. Yet repeatedly the Bible exhorts obedience "that it may go well with you." This may sound so self-centered. But our Father does want things to go well for us. That's what Proverbs is largely about, trying to spare us from a lot of self-inflicted pain and to then enjoy a blessed life by blessing others. Yes, a kind man benefits himself. Thus, as it's been surprisingly said, "If you really want to be selfish, be selfless." The selfless, others oriented life, brings the most blessings. 

So how might this work out in marriage? Let's give a negative example first. The wife says to her husband, "Would you do such and such for me?" To which the husband stupidly says, "Why don't you do it yourself?" Bad response. Result? Bad mood wife. Here's another example of such sowing and reaping...if want to live a long and happy life, these are the things you don't say to your wife. Watch the video and laugh!

I'm sure we could all come up with stories about how we said stupid things that hurt our wives or loved ones. But let's focus on the flip side. What are some acts of kindness that you could show to bless your wife or loved one and thus benefit yourself. "A kind man benefits himself." The foolish man says, "Ah, she doesn't deserve to be treated kindly for the way she acts." Maybe so. But God lovingly treats you with kindness and you certainly don't deserve it. So if you're married, be thinking of three things that would bless your bride this week. 

Many of us need help in figuring out what spells love to our spouse. I've taken Dr. Gary Chapman's, the 5 Love Languages, and created a memorable acronym regarding how to TREAT your wife according to her love language. So what spells love to your wife?
Time together 
Rightly suited gifts (Probably a drill or tread-mill wouldn't spell love to her.)
Encouraging words (Many of you daily share such with team mates. What about emailing your wife such?)
Acts of service (This one is my wife's. Thus, I do dishes often. A fair exchange for being fed:)
Touch (My son is a big hugger and wrestler. But your wife might not like the arm wrestling part.) 

1.a-So if you're married, how can you TREAT your wife in such a way that it spells love in her language? List 3 ideas and seek to fulfill them this week. By sharing them, you'll probably give your brothers some good ideas. We will be stimulating one another to love and good deeds. What's in it for you? Happy wife, happy life. "A kind man benefits himself."

1.b-If you're single, list what you think your top two love languages are.
(Notice that this is probably how you like to treat other people. Just be aware that if that is not also their love language, they may not be feeling loved as much as you think.)

2.-Read Prov.11:16-31 and write on your MP3 card any verse or phrase that helps you with your people skills.

(3.-Optional: "A cheerful heart is good medicine" Prov.17:22. Did you get a laugh out of the Tim Hawkins video? Juslemeknow.)

We who wins souls to this way of wisdom in Proverbs is wise (note Prov.11:30). The father figure in the book is certainly wise as he seeks to win and mentor others in the way of wisdom. So glad you're also committed to winning, mentoring and multiplying such manly or wise men. In the New Testament, he who wins souls to the way, the truth and the life is very wise! I'm so happy to see those of you who are telling others of transformation. At our next meeting, I will be giving you outreach cards to a new site that's outta sight! O Lord, help us to multiply many, manly men! 

Announcements
Speaking of our next meeting, it will be Sunday, June 14th at 11:30 in the same room we met in last time- the break room near the men's restroom.

I want to congratulate each and every one of you by name who were unstoppable last week in reading and sharing on the blog- 
Alex, Andre, Antonio, Armando, Chuy, Daniel, Dave D, Dave H, Eddie, Gary, George D, George R, Ismael, Jack, James, Mike, Nic, Osiris, Phil, Robert, Roger, Sam and Vince. Fantastic!  
I also want to recognize the men who scored 25-49 points last week furthering our GREAT mission-  Roger-25; Antonio-29; Phil-31; Ismael-34

Now, I want to honor the men who scored 50 points or more last week furthering our GREAT mission- Eddie-50; Jack-60; Sam-66; and Robert 91!
Thank you men for being devoted to building others up. 

"Acknowledge those who work hard among you" 1 Th.5:12

Next week, I'll put the weekly scores up of all, so please remember to put your scores on the board each day. Also please strive to score at least an average of 5 points a day. It's not hard- 1 point just for commenting on the blog, 1 point for each person you share something with from your MP3; 1 for attacking in prayer; and then 2 points for briefly encouraging a couple others on the blog (or via a text, email or call). So as soon as you're done commenting, briefly encourage a couple other brothers on the blog. Then post your scores on the GREAT scoreboard for what you did yesterday.    

Last but not least, I want to welcome a new brother to the team, who is not new to me. He is one of the first guys I got to meet and minister to when I started as the young adults pastor at the church in 1988. He introduced me to several of his lost friends, and he has brought many people to church over the years. Welcome Flo Juarez!