Th.6.11.15...Advice About Advice...Prov.20:16-30

Ever been given some bad advice? Ugh! Thankfully, people have also given us good advice, such as to seek the Lord. Unfortunately, for many of us, we didn't want to hear that godly advice at first. Proverbs warns people who continually harden their hearts, "since they would not accept my advice and spurned my rebuke, they will eat the fruit of their ways...for the waywardness of the simple will kill them" Prov.1:30-32. So here's a problem with giving good advice- a lot of people don't want to follow it. Even if they ask you for advice, it doesn't mean they will heed it. Rehoboam, Solomon's son was a fool. He asked advice from his wise elders and didn't like it. Then he asked his foolish friends for advice and took it. That ended up creating a civil war in Israel (1 Kings 12).

But you're not a fool. You are pursuing the path of a wise life, so be receptive to advice, especially from wise people. "Listen to advice and accept instruction and in the end you will be wise" Prov.19:20. "A wise man listens to advice" Prov.12:15. "Wisdom is found in those who take advice" Prov.13:10.  As a matter of fact, a wise man seeks out wisdom; he just doesn't wait for someone to come along and give it. "Make plans by seeking advice" 20:18. You are an advice seeker. That's why you are in the Scriptures seeking God's counsel on how to live your life. You have in the Scriptures, 66 books written by 40 different "advisers," giving you God's guidance on vital, moral issues. 

But what if the choice you are seeking to make is a non-moral issue; it's not a right or wrong issue such as, "Should I lie to get ahead?" What if the issue is- "What job should I take? Should I move out of state? I faced both of those issues a few years ago. Two different Christian ministries extended invitations to me. Which one should I take? The first one would require raising support, but was a neat position in the area. The other would provide a good salary and a brand new car. But the family and I would have to relocate to Texas. Believe me, I got advice. What choice did I make? I'll tell you the rest of the story tomorrow, but first let's talk about advice on giving advice. This will revolutionize your advice giving on non-moral issues. You will never have anyone argue with you, including family members. You will be thanked and admired for your great wisdom. So here's the golden nugget of advice on advice- don't give it! That's right, don't give advice.

Why shouldn't you give advice to people on what job they should take, who to marry in the Lord, which car or house to buy, where to send their kids to school or what to eat or not to eat? First, if you give it without them asking for it, you're asking for it. People don't like receiving unsolicited advice. I sure don't like getting it. I have a relative who loves to give such "unrequested" advice. "You should do this or you should do that." I grin and bear it, though at times I'm tempted to quote the saying I've heard, "Please don't should on me.":)

So how can we help people who need guidance, but don't ask for it? Or how can we wisely respond to people who ask us for advice on non-biblical issues? Here's good ADVICE.

A- Ask questions! This is the first and foremost piece of advice that will make you revered as wise, and thanked for your helpfulness. Don't tell them what to do or give them your opinion, even if they ask for it. Start, continue and end with questions. What kind of questions? Consider the following-

D- Discover their desires. This is what a wise gentleman in Michigan asked me about when I called him regarding my two ministry choices. "Of the two, which one do you most desire to do?"

V- Value the pros and cons. Take a sheet of paper and ask them to list the pros and cons of their options. Then ask them to rank on a scale of 1 to 10 how valued each of those listed items are to them. They will see the answer for themselves and thank you for your great wisdom. 

I- Inquire regarding their intentions. Why do you want to do this? What are you hoping will happen if you do this? Why do you want to buy such an expensive car? What are you hoping will happen if you get it? Is there a deeper reason why you want to get married now instead of after dating a bit longer?

C- Consider the consequences. If you pursued your dream start up business, what would happen if it didn't succeed? If you married the woman with children already, what challenges do you foresee? If you don't start controlling your tongue and temper, what do you think might be the consequences? If you gave yourself to recruiting men to join M3, how do you think that would affect your legacy and theirs 10 years from now? :)

E- Explore alternatives. Is there another way you could get into this field without having to spend so much time and money? Can you name a few other things that you also could foresee yourself doing? If you can't get a job in your field of dreams, what could you do to make money so that you could still pursue your passion on the side?  

Speaking of people's dreams, always seem supportive of a person's dream, no matter how hair brained it might seem. You could honestly say to the guy, "You're a person with a head on your shoulders. (Notice I didn't day, "a good head on your shoulders":) I'm going to pray that God will guide and help you." Don't rain on their parade, their dream. There will be plenty of other people and circumstances that will do that. You will avoid a lot of hurt feelings and be admired as a wise man. And if their wild idea to start the next Facebook succeeds, you will be honored as the one person who believed in them when nobody else did. You and I know, you never encouraged them or discouraged them. You just asked very thoughtful questions. What a wise man you are!

1.- Do you recall ever being given some good or bad advice? What was it and what happened? (Even if people give you good advice, there are all kinds of surprises that can come along and make their good advice to end up looking bad. So remember my advice- don't give advice!)

Even if your older children ask you for advice, try asking questions, at least at first. It helps people learn to think through issues and that's a great trait for your children to learn. Bite your tongue when you're tempted to say, "Well, if I were you..." or "I really think you should..." Instead ask a question.

2.- Read Prov.20:16-30 and pick out a verse or phrase that grabs your interest. Now share it and some of your thoughts on it with us. 

It's been great to see the way that so many of you are encouraging others on the blog. Many of you are faithfully putting your points on the board right after you comment on the blog. That's a good practice. 

Announcements
Unless it's raining, I look forward to hiking with some of you this Saturday at 8:00AM. If you want to go, just call or text me. (See Tuesday's blog announcements for more details and a map link I gave.)

Sunday is our big M3 meeting! See you there in the Break Room for our 11:30 meeting. Your interested friends are welcome. A very powerful weapon will be given to you.